Stress Reduction: Lessons from The Dalai Lama That Will Change Your Life

It is not often that Oprah Winfrey is lost for words! 

Yet this was exactly what happened when she asked the Dalai Lama a very pertinent question, which is recounted in the book by Victor Chan entitled The Wisdom of Forgiveness.

She asked him, 

“Have you ever had to forgive yourself for something?” 

His Holiness replied, 

“My attitude towards mosquitoes is not very favorable, not very peaceful. Bed bugs also.”

Oprah was astounded that there was nothing else to be forgiven for in a life spanning 78 years. Forgiveness and compassion for all living creatures are the two pillars of the Dalai Lama’s teachings. 

Let’s discover together how his teachings will change your life.

1. Be compassionate.

“The topic of compassion is not at all religious business; it is important to know it is human business, it is a question of human survival.”

Dalai Lama

Research now shows that when you are compassionate, you experience a similar feeling of pleasure as when you have sex, good food or a relaxing holiday. 

Basically, showing compassion is good for your health. 

Take compassionate action and get the “giver’s high.” 

Benefits are reduced stress, more regular heart beat and improved immune system.

You can show compassion by understanding the person’s feelings and emotions. 

That means talking to them and trying to share what they are going through. 

It is more demanding than a mere act of kindness. 

If you are compassionate, you are going to get emotionally involved. 

You also ask what help is needed. 

You could apply this to:

• A friend who is ill
• Someone who has lost their job
• A relative who has been bereaved
• Someone going through a separation
• A homeless person

2. Be kind and help others.

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. 

Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

Dalai Lama

Being kind and generous costs little and the benefits you gain in happiness are considerable. That was the conclusion that Michael Norton and colleagues at the Harvard Business School came to, after doing some very interesting research. 

The volunteers who gave away some money were happier than those who had spent it on themselves.

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

Dalai Lama

3. Find happiness.

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”

Dalai Lama

In the rat race, the one thing you really want at the end of the day is the capacity to find happiness.

When he was interviewed about this, the Dalai Lama said that we are bombarded with messages about material possessions. 

There are very few messages about forgiving, being compassionate, patient, tolerant, and kind. 

You really have to give those values top priority in order to be happy.

“Happiness is not ready made—it comes from our own actions.”

Dalai Lama

4. Discover inner peace.

The Dalai Lama advises everybody to spend a little time alone each day. 

Time to reflect and chase away the negative thoughts such as anger, resentment, jealousy, and tiredness. 

Try to replace those with positive emotions such as optimism, gratitude, love, and peace. 

He rightly says that the truly calm mind is the source of happiness and good health.

5. Do not harm others.

“If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.”

Dalai Lama

If you start telling lies, gossiping and spreading nasty rumors, bullying, and taking advantage of others, then the negative fallout from them will come back to haunt you. 

These are just a few of the actions that can harm others.

6. Nurture your friendships.

Friendships should never be undervalued. 

They need tender loving care because they can generate trust and affection. 

Real friendships will never depend on money or political clout. 

It is a sad fact that neglected or stillborn friendships lead to loneliness. 

This is one of the risk factors which probably contributes to depression in our society.

7. Don’t let technology rule your life.

Did you know that the Dalai Lama has over 8 million followers on Twitter? 

While he admires the advances in social media in helping us to communicate, he nevertheless warns against its overuse for the following reasons:

• It can control your life—look at people in restaurants using their cell phones.
• Who is in charge? You or the technology?
• It is a poor substitute for real friendship.
• It cannot help you to be compassionate.
• Real human interaction will suffer.

“We are the controller of the technology. 

If we become a slave of technology, then that’s not good.”

Dalai Lama

8. Don’t argue or fight; just negotiate.

“Non-violence means dialogue, using our language, the human language. 

Dialogue means compromise; respecting each other’s rights; in the spirit of reconciliation there is a real solution to conflict and disagreement. 

There is no hundred percent winner, no hundred percent loser—not that way but half-and-half. That is the practical way, the only way.”

Dalai Lama

Whether it is an international crisis or an argument with your partner or boss, the key to a peaceful, non-violent outcome is dialogue. 

In this way, you learn the art of compromise and negotiation. 

His Holiness recommends that you should never bring up the past but concentrate on what is causing the present problem.

"Jaw Jaw is Better than War War"

Sir Winston Churchill

9. Be gentle with the earth.

In order to survive, we have a duty to preserve this planet as best we can. 

Learning how to recycle, looking at ways to create alternative energy, and learning about the current issues are all ways that can help to delay the tipping point.

10. Learn from your failures.

“When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”

Dalai Lama

When you screw up, it is important to examine what went wrong. 

Maybe you sad the wrong thing or maybe you haven’t thought the whole process through. 

Perhaps there was a problem in planning the project and maybe you did not think about worst-case scenarios. 

Reflection can help you learn every time you fail.

Could these lessons really change your life? 

Try to apply them to your life and work. 

You will soon discover that truth, honesty, warm-heartedness and compassion will be the driving forces in your life and will help you to gain real happiness.

Tell us in the comments what teachings or quotes from the Dalai Lama have inspired you and how they have changed your life. 

ALSO:
Check out 12 Timeless Life Lessons Learned from the Dalai Lama 

Original article link: LIFEHACK.org

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Stress Prevention in the Work-place: Practices for Having a Happier Day at Work

Most of us face various frustrating challenges at work that spike our stress — everything from burnout to boredom, to increasing demands, to distraction.

In her latest book Real Happiness at Work: Meditations for Accomplishment, Achievement and Peace, bestselling author and meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg invites us to think of these obstacles and blocks differently, using meditation practices.

“Through meditation, we can come to understand work problems as a potential source of achieving greater clarity, rather than as obstacles without redeeming value, and begin to recognize the true potential of the challenges that work brings our way.”

Salzberg quotes teacher and former executive Michael Carroll, who has said: “Maybe problems arise at work not as interruptions or intrusions, but as invitations to gain real wisdom.”

In Real Happiness at Work Salzberg discusses eight pillars of happiness in the workplace:

Balance 

Concentration 

Compassion 

Resilience 

Communication and Connection

Integrity 

Meaning 

Open Awareness 

At the end of each chapter she features formal meditations that take about 10 to 20 minutes, along with mini meditations and practices throughout the book.

Below are some of my favorite tips from Salzberg’s book for helping us have a more peaceful and happier day at work. The great thing about these exercises is that they’re simple, small and totally doable ways we can enjoy greater calm and satisfaction.

Before starting a project, meeting or even a conversation, ask yourself:

“What do I most want to see happen from this?”
Before starting your day, set an intention. Salzberg gave this example: 

“May I treat everyone today with respect, remembering each person wants to be happy as much as I do.”

As you sit down at your desk, spend several moments listening to the sounds around you. Take note of your reactions to the sounds.

Notice how you’re holding something in your hand, such as a pen or cup. Are you holding on tightly? “Sometimes, we exert so much force holding things, it exacerbates tension without our realizing it.”

Try to perform a simple act of kindness every day. Salzberg included these examples: 

“holding an elevator door, saying thank you in a sincere manner, or listening to someone with a clear and focused mind.”

Pay attention to your feelings. 

For instance, if you’re feeling irritated toward a co-worker, pay attention to your irritation, “not so much the story of why you’re irritated, but the actual feeling of it.” 

What does it feel like in your body?

Where do you feel it?

Identifying irritation as it starts helps you prevent an action you might later regret. 

“With a more immediate recognition of what we’re feeling, we have a choice as to how we want to respond in that moment.”

As you heat up your lunch, stop, and simply pay attention to your breath until your hear the ding of the microwave.

If you’re feeling upset, consider helping someone out. (“The more you help, the happier you can be.”)

Think about the people who make your job possible, such as a housekeeper, elevator operator or fundraiser – and thank them.

As Salzberg writes, 

“Being happy at work is possible for all of us, anytime and anywhere, with open eyes and a caring heart. 

We need only to take the first step.”



Author/Links: Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. is an Associate Editor at Psych Central and blogs regularly about eating and self-image issues on her own blog, Weightless

Like this author?
Catch up on other posts by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. (or subscribe to her feed).

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Stress Prevention Tips: 5 Ways to Transform Your Stress Response

by Doc Childre, internationally renowned stress expert

It’s no secret that a lot of people are experiencing increased stress these days. There are many reasons—financial worries, health challenges, unsatisfying work, and family or relationship problems, to name just a few. Then there are major stressors, often resulting from loss of life or property, as many recently experienced with Hurricane Sandy.

From my years of researching stress, I have seen that when not attended to, stress accumulates and often leads to feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about the future. Fortunately, there are simple tools we can use to transform our stress response and stress accumulation. I’m going to share a few of them with you.

Tool #1: Release frustration, impatience, irritation, anxiety

More people are reporting increased responsibility in the workplace, where time seems to be shrinking as each month passes. This increased pressure creates vulnerability to stress from frustration, irritation, impatience, anxiety, and feeling tired.

These emotions left untreated often seduce us into a serious stress deficit because we adapt to them and write them off as “the new norm.” New norm or not, these emotions are stress magnets.

When you feel impatient, stop and still your body and mind; then imagine you are breathing in the attitude of patience. If you feel anxiety, breathe the feeling of calm and inner balance. Do the same with frustration and irritation. This resets your emotional system and stops the stress response. 

The practice will make you more conscious of when you are out of sync, and soon you can replace many of these emotions quickly and move on.

Tool #2: Say “no” to drama

Another effective way to help reduce stress and anxiety is to practice reducing excessive “drama” during challenging times—or anytime. Adding drama and worry to our challenges heaps on the stress by exhausting our emotional reserves, and more. Most drama serves us like a hole in a gas tank serves a car.

The most important part of this step is to become conscious of when you are preoccupied with excessive worry and drama. Then, when you sense drama coming on, try to slow down and take pause (again, be still in your body and your mind, just for a moment). When we slow down the emotional vibration, it makes it possible to replace the drama with attitudes of peace and calm. When you are calmer, tell yourself, “I choose to not participate in this energy.” Do it a few times when needed, as drama often has a strong magnetic allure. You might not be able to stop all the internal drama, but with this exercise, you can effectively reduce energy drain and offset your stress deficit.

Tool #3: Reduce self-judgment

Constant self-judgment shrinks our self-security and gradually diminishes our heart connection within ourselves and with others. When our heart feelings shut off, we open ourselves to multiple stressors by trying to sort through life using only the mind—without the care, warmth, and intuitive guidance from our heart. Practice releasing judgments of yourself. Be easy on yourself. Try to connect to your heart, release your feelings of self-doubt, and move on. 

Don’t wonder, 

“Did I do it right? 

Are my self-doubt feelings gone?” 

Just practice releasing and moving on. Be casual about it. When your inner attitude is casual and unstrained, your emotions respond to challenging or disruptive situations with flow and ease. This reduces stress and clears the way for better choices and outcomes.

Tool #4: Reopen the heart feeling

At the onset of a crisis (or drama), it’s normal for some of our feelings (heart feelings) to shut down, especially during the initial shock, fear, and focus on survival and safety. It’s understandable to experience this, but it’s really helpful to reopen our heart connections with others as soon we can. This deeper connection and communication helps to keep our heart open to intuitive guidance about the most effective next steps to take. Connecting with others can’t eliminate all stressful situations, but it can add a quiet comfort. It also provides a collective strength that helps us to move forward in moments when it seems we can’t.

An effective way to reopen our heart feelings (one that you’ve probably heard often) is by offering kindness and compassionate support to others or volunteering to help others in need, though we are in need ourselves.

Acts of care, kindness, gratitude, and compassion can make a big difference. These acts of care are behaviors of our spiritual heart and provide a wholeness benefit to ourselves and to others. 

Research has shown that care, compassion, and authentic connection with others reduce stress and release beneficial chemicals that balance and revitalize our systems—mental, emotional, and physical. Practicing these and other behaviors of the heart should be at the top of our list for maintaining a lower stress level.

Tool #5: Watch and read the news with balanced emotion

The news is one of the most powerful stress triggers in these changing times. And learning to neutralize excessive emotional attachment to issues when watching or reading the news can prevent much of our stress. Statistics are up on the number of people requiring mental health care from emotional overload regarding news reports. 

Skipping the news can at times be helpful, but sometimes we don’t have that luxury. It’s our responsibility to have compassion and concern for other people’s pain, but self-care is also an essential responsibility. There’s a difference between having compassion for a situation and emotionally obsessing over it until it becomes a personal stress deficit.

The following practice can be helpful in keeping emotional poise while sorting through the news: 

Consciously prep yourself before looking at the news, setting the intention of maintaining balance and inner poise. Then, consciously observe your feelings during the news and you will become more aware of when you are too emotionally invested in issues. When this happens, stop, and take a time out for a couple of minutes.

It’s our individual responsibility to learn to manage our response to news and other stressful situations. I hope these tips are helpful.

Doc Childre ( www.heartmath.com )is an internationally renowned stress expert and the creator of the HeartMath System, considered by many hospitals, organizations, and healthcare professionals to be an effective practice in stress management. Doc is CEO of HeartMath Inc. and founder of the nonprofit research and education organization, the Institute of HeartMath, as well as coauthor of a dozen books on stress, wellness, and heart-based living, including The HeartMath Solution,From Chaos to Coherence, and the Transforming series of books, including: Transforming Stress and Transforming Depression. 

Article link: Maria's Farm Country Kitchen
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